Lillian and friends

Lillian was kind enough to help foster two orphaned kittens, which sounds adorable, but is actually a moderate pain in the rear. And the cuticle. Kittens that young are little more than claws with mouths and rectums attached. And they have an uncanny knack for hooking one's cuticle while one holds the milk bottle, creating dozens of tiny stab wounds up under one's nail cuticle where they are hard to see and even harder to disinfect. Once Lill and I wised up and started wearing gardening gloves to feed, everyone got along better.

John and Lill named them Pitch Black and Riddick. By the end of their weeklong stay, the kittens loved Lill. Fourmyle was not amused.

Until he played JV vs. the aliens

The happiest exchange student I ever saw
Came from a planet real hyped on "the hunt".
He went to Berkeley, ate wheat grass and savored the way
That no one there called him a runt.

Yeah, well you were no catch either

Handbag by Gucci, shoes by Chanel
Dress by Abercrombie and Fitch,
Last night's blind date had such perfect taste,
Too bad she was such a....

Worst fans in the league, too

The teleportation accident
Was the cause of many griefs.
Now the doctor's always drawing blood
And the skeeter keeps shouting, "Go Chiefs!"

She also makes abominably good cookies

The rejection of one's hoped-for bride
Has wounded the pride of many,
So to be sure his monster would be well-loved,
Dr. Frankenstein made (more wisely) a granny.

She also has no co-pay

The slaves get dumped in paupers graves
For a cough or a runny nose,
While the wealthy get eternal life --
Tsk, those Egyptian HMOs!

Jeb and Roy

Jeb likes bluegrass, Roy plays metal.
Roy likes bottles, Jeb drinks from cans.
Seems the only thing they can agree on
Is they're both Jeff Foxworthy fans.